Many things i wish to share with my blog today, which i really felt that finding someone out to trash talk isn't gonna make things better, thus blogging. Do you really think you don't cross my mind at all? Afterall it's the harsh reality that i've got to learn to accept. Sometimes, you may think i judge you, based on everything you do and i just wanna deem this relationship as if it already ended but let me tell you, you're so wrong. I've never ever wanted this to end but i'm left with no choice because i know we both can't commit to this relationship and that you have your friends, which you can't sacrifice at times for me. Recently, i really really was so close to talking to you but i just couldn't bring myself to do it because you really look as if you're gonna move on, any time, just waiting for your call. Seriously, baking with another guy at your place? I don't ever rmbr doing it with you. Drinking, clubbing, pictures with guys so close to you, head to head, i don't ever understand how is that 'wanting us back'. I can honestly tell you even up till today, i'm still as paranoid as ever, really wonder if you've done anything to let me down during this period of time and whether or not did anyone do anything to you. I know it's unhealthy and it's really killing me thinking about you and how are you doing. I'm at home on this lonely sunday or any other lonely days and i bet you're out almost everyday, and i'm thinking every now and then what are you doing and all. I really wish you well in this aspect, really.
Next issue, my birthday. I'm feeling very disappointed because my celebration falls on a day where there is elections and many of my closest friends are either abroad due to army, or something more important to attend to. I'm not blaming them, perhaps just myself for now making a more precise planning beforehand. Or rather i couldn't do anything about it if things just choose to happen this way. Sigh, whatever it is, i just wish that everything goes well on that day itself. And i realised i'm always around to make people happy but unhappiness always befalls on me. It's kinda sad, when at times people thought that you're unaware that you're being taken advantage of, when i'm widely seen it with my own eyes. Sometimes i wonder if i don't have a car, will some of you, the guys be as good as you're to me? I can say, not all of you will.
And my last issue, to me, is the most important issue that i'm gonna write today is about my aunt who is staying at my place with my family, or rather, she's my family afterall. She's been living with my grandparents since young and now that both my grandparents are gone, she's staying with me. She ain't as normal as most people are and she don't enjoy the luxury of sitting a plane to fly abroad, etc. I will and i promise when i start earning my own money, i will bring my whole family abroad, sitting planes and all to wherever places they wanna go, before it's all too late. Okay sorry lemme just continue. When she was young, she was diagnosed with very high fever but she wasn't sent to the hospital in time, thus making her the way she is now. I'm not embarassed to tell everyone that she's a little bit mentally disabled, behaving like a child and trying to learn. She's always getting the scoldings that she don't deserve, because she's just this way and people ought to understand. Today, i encounter a scene that made me realised that we shouldn't be complaining about our lives now, or how not fortunate we are and how we shouldn't take things for granted. I went to my aunt room to take something when the lights were still on and i saw her smiling at the wall, while lying on her bed. It breaks my heart a little and i did teared a little because just minutes ago i was still thinking to myself how sad it is that i've got no one to hang out with on a sunday night blah blah. ahhh okay fuck nvm i don't wish to carry on. Just be contented with what you have.
And babygirl, i miss you so much, i wish i could be cuddling with you right now and if only you're reading this, if only. I love you and i wish you well, move on baby, just move on for i don't think i'm worth your love. Good night and good bye.